The Courage to Be You

A New "Be"ginning

Here we are once again at that point in time - a new beginning. So, what was your resolution or plan for the coming year? Most of ours is based on "doing" something in our life; losing weight, stop smoking, making more money.

How about a "being" resolution for this year? A resolution that goes to the heart of who we are, or better yet, who we wish to "be"come. Isn't this where the answers are to our challenges and problems? Aren't we suffering in part because we want to be different in our lives? We try to blame others for our problems, but in reality, they are all our own. Most everything we are looking for is found by going inside rather than looking outside ourselves.

Think about who you would be if you didn't have the problems you have. How would you be different? Now, write down how you would be different and make those points your New Year Resolution that will really transform you. Make it a year where "being" is your focus, because being different will allow you to accomplish all those "doing" resolutions.

Here is a partial list of how I would be different without my problems - to help you see what I'm talking about:

·       Be living in the present moment

·       Be living in the opportunity of the situation

·       My total focus would be on others and not me

·       I would be love. Love would pour out of me.

It really does take enormous courage to be more of our authentic selves every day. That is why we need at a minimum community, inspiration, encouragement, and love to make it happen. Really start living this year and truly make it the outpouring of your authentic-self.

If you wish me to help you with the process, email me at brad@couragetobeyou.net and I will be happy to do what I can.

Be Courageous and Happy New Year

Holiday Thinking

The most wonderful time of the year and the most stressful. Filled with tradition and memories and... all those EXPECTATIONS. It's brutal what we do to ourselves when you think about it. Expectations around meals, gifts, decorations, doing it just like your family did, behavior, dress and the dozens of other "should be's."

What if we drastically reduced our expectations and just went with the flow of the day. Where we do the best we can considering the circumstances, we always do, and just let life be as it will be. We have a much better chance to enjoy the moments, events, friends and family if we do. Feel how the stress is reduced just thinking about it.

We won't be very good at it at first, but some lowered expectations are better than nothing. Everyone else around us will have a better time and be more relaxed because of the peace they see in us. Isn't peace a huge part of the season?

So let's give lower expectations a healthy shot, bringing more calmness to whatever the occasion, which enhances joy, and brings goodwill to men - women too of course.

Merry Christmas to you all.  Brad

Being Judged

It happens to all of us. The dis-empowering, exhausting judgment by others about everything in our lives. Isn't it an awful feeling knowing you are being judged? Even if the results are good, it's still consumes so much of our energy.

Why do we let judgment be meaningful? We all want to be "somebody." We want to measure up and feel good about ourselves. We want to know we count to the judging person. We want to be enough. Sometimes being judged is just part of the job, contest, or event. We can learn to live with that.

Unsolicited and unwanted judgment is what I'm talking about. The cruelest of all. And,,, you do it too. We all do. Remember these helpful judgment shielding tools:

1. It's more about the person doing the judging than it is about you. It's their opinion sandwiched in all their problems, past, and "rules of life."
2. Who gave them the right or authority to judge us? It's not their job.
3. It is a sin for a good reason. It destroys.
4. The less we judge, the less we feel the pain of judgment.

Keep The Power

We give our power away without knowing it. This automatically puts us at the mercy of others, and they begin "controlling" our lives. We might even become victims to other's thoughts, actions, or lack thereof.

An example of this is seeking or "needing approval" of others. This is a moving target at best. First of all, it's only the other person's opinion. And it is steeped in their history, current problems, prejudices, and even how they're feeling at that time.  We give our power away to them by needing or silently begging for their approval. Our whole attitude and personality may hinge on whether they abide by our wishes. This is particularly critical when it is a long term relationship like spousal or parent.

Understanding that their approval is only opinion and should not effect our self worth, make or break our day, or have anything to do with self esteem, allows us to hold onto our power and not ride the roller coaster of what others think, say, or how they react to us.

So along with keeping the faith, keep the power too.

THE "E" in S-T-R-I-V-E

"E" is for EXPERIENCE - as in "living out" the new thought in your mind. You'll need to go back several posts to understand the whole S-T-R-I-V-E concept if you're just joining the blog.

Let's use judging as an example. I'm a big judger from the past and frequently need to stop this particular thought pattern. In trying to buy health insurance and having a difficult time of it, I'm judging the whole situation as very frustrating, extremely time consuming, and the companies involved as complete idiots (not a judgment as much as straight reality). When I get to the truth, replace judging with understanding a much bigger picture, invite it in, visualize, then I'm ready to EXPERIENCE.

I actually see in myself after completion experiencing greatly reduced stress, a deep peace, and even smiling at how smoooothly I handled it all. I EXPERIENCE the joy in the wisdom I've gained and the opportunities created from this new knowledge. I experience the confidence built in overcoming such a dreaded and dreadful task. EXPERIENCE is the ahhhhh, the victory celebration of the whole process.

Impatience

So I'm waiting for the carpet cleaner to show to let him in next door. This good deed was going astray after an hour ..and without his cell phone number. Started going down the "the world revolves around me" impatient path but realized it and stopped.

I figured I had at least 2 choices;  1. find a way around the problem or 2. relax and let it be. I did have an appointment, but with flexible time. Oh, I had plenty to keep me busy as I waited. I've been trying to see my life from a bigger world view, and my thinking was, "what if the reason he was late was much more important than my needs?" What if he spent extra time playing with his daughter this morning on her birthday? What if he was delayed because of comforting his sister whose son is in Iraq? Or what if????

When we zoom out on our current situation, many times it's much easier to "see" life for all it's beauty and appreciate how we interconnect. It's a much truer way to see the world.

An Abundant Life

Doesn't that sound wonderful - an abundant life? Yet we live in a world that champions scarcity. Advertising pounds us every day with messages about what we lack in every facet of our lives. We need more of this, a better that, a new something else.  And when we get those things, we'll be satisfied for awhile and then start all over wanting again.

The path to an abundant life is through the sole. When we learn to live from the inside out...that's when life becomes beautiful. When "being" becomes more important than doing or having. Or who we are on the inside takes priority over who we are on the outside to the rest of the world. We can never accumulate enough wealth, stature, or anything else and be satisfied.

The old question of, "How much is enough?" still has the old answer of, "Just a little bit more than I already have." Isn't abundance what we all crave? Are we looking in all the wrong places?

The "V" in S-T-R-I-V-E

V is for Visualize. Close your eyes and vividly see yourself stopping the unhealthy thought, finding the truth, replacing the old with the truth,  and inviting the new healthy thought to become part of you.

Visualization is an important in most anything we wish to accomplish successfully. Great gymnasts visualize themselves performing the perfect routine by going through each movement in their mind's eye. It's my understanding the mind believes what it sees and doesn't know any difference between "real" and perceived. This helps establish in our mind the change we desire.

If you are like me, you will need to use S-T-R-I-V-E many different times to stop a negative, unhealthy thought. Just keep at it; over and over and over. Don't get discouraged. It takes time to break old habits.

Ultimate Living List

I finally realized I needed a list; yes another list in my life. But this list is the best of all. I typed a handful of thoughts and emotions I want to be in/out of my life. Why? Focus. I know I need to focus on these everyday, if they are going to become truths in my life. I want ultimate living.

Worry is on my list. I've made huge progress in my life against this beast, but he's still lurking in my neighborhood. I'm going to force him to move away. Here's what I do. In my mind, I replace worry with trust and actually feel the lightness, happiness, and energy of being worry free. I can sense the pressure and heaviness lifting from my heart. And, I visualize using S-T-R-I-V-E against the first sign of worry.

I keep the list with my morning reading to review it daily and put it in God's hands. List items are generally old enemies of ours. It takes persistence to conquer them. Don't give up. Become the awesome person you are intended to be.

Powerful Presentation Tips

Are you involved with presentations of any kind? If so, check out  author, world renown speaker, and business guru Tom Peters blog entitled, Presentation Excellence. He has blessed us with 56 jewels he believes mold an excellent presentation.

It is a few articles down the page. Don't get it confused with the comments article more recently posted. It is found in PowerPoint slides accessed by clicking the words "Presentation Excellence" in the article. Check it out. Great wisdom.