Inside Depression

New Year Resolutions

It's that time. One of the few times when we all get to start over again and leave the past behind. New Year beginnings are such a blessing to us. We are rarely graceful enough to ourselves to draw a line in our life and start fresh.

The past plays such a huge role in most of our lives and particularly with those suffering from depression. Much of the pain we endure comes from our past. It's the past we didn't leave behind at any of the New Year dates. The past that overwhelms us, drags us down, beats us up, hurts deeply, and destroys our spirit.

What if we really did start fresh this year? What if we decided the past is past and, even though our pain is real, we can choose to not let it destroy us any longer. We can think outside our own box and realize the pain we've suffered is responsible for much of our growth as a person. Many of our best virtues come from our pain; like understanding, empathy, caring, listening.

Maybe you are one that has not allowed the pain of the past to touch you. You've instead buried it deep inside thinking you're hiding it or hiding from it. But the truth is, it will eat at you slowly until eventually boiling over into your life bringing you down swiftly and hard. Dealing with the pain and then replacing it with what is right about your life from that pain will set you free from your bondage.

This year think about a New Year's Resolution that will transform you. That might change your life forever. As unfair and ugly as life has been, we have a choice to begin a fresh start and accept life just as it is. And how do we know it isn't just the way it should be according to God? Facing our weaknesses in life is one of our greatest fears as humans. So it won't be easy, but the rewards are beyond anything you and I can imagine - wayyyyyy beyond.

Happy New Year

Holiday Blues

This is the toughest time of the year for most depression warriors.  We each have our own reasons and know them well.  They are valid reasons too. Lots of pain and truth behind each one. I experience it too and this year it's extreme.

So, what do we do? Focus is a key. If we focus on the pain, loss, devastation, or focus on what's wrong, it will just expand. Whatever we think about will expand. If we accept the depressing thoughts as real life events, just the way life is and try not to bury or change them, it's tremendous help. Try comforting those thoughts with grace and understanding.

Then, REPLACE them with the truth about what is right, or the good that came from the bad, or the growth and understanding you've had because of it all. Keep the focus here and don't let it go back to what's wrong. What is right is just as true if not more so, and this thinking is where we can manage our depression and control our thoughts so much easier.

Don't let this season of TRUTH drag you down into the lies of darkness. Be bold and courageous. Really live this Christmas in it's fullness and joy.

Merry Christmas to you from the bottom of my heart.   

God Bless You,   Brad

I'm Not Enough

Does this old tape run in your head? Frequently thinking that you don't have what it takes? Want to learn how to stop it?

First of all, it's a lie.  You believe you don't have what it takes, because of your past. You were fed that belief. You believed because you trusted or it was pounded into you. That was before we made choices on what we believe. Doesn't matter. You believe it's true, but it isn't. It's judgment related and nobody has the right to judge. The judgment is related to their beliefs, background, history, trouble, and how their day went. It's all about them,,,, and,,, NOT ABOUT YOU.

It's time to confront this belief. You don't have to believe it any longer. Look for the raw truth or look for the lie(s)behind this belief. Ask for help. It's not easy, but the freedom is wonderful.

Jolts, Zaps, and Misery

We all get jolted by life and zapped by undeserved comments, actions, and events. From my personal vantage point, it seemed almost a continuous stream of "bad things" over several years. All wearing me down and helping to drive me into depression and keep me there.

At the time, I didn't realize how many choices were available to me. I was the victim and victims don't have choices. I also didn't recognize that all the decisions I avoided were indeed still decisions. I did not understand the truth or did not want to face it. Many of my jolts and zaps were my own doing. They were the result of my previous choices - and not choosing is a choice.

So, I was in deep, dark misery. I was whipped by life. However, part of being in this misery was my life's message to me that things needed to change. It was a warning system for my protection saying, "hey you! Wake up! Your life and health are being destroyed. You must deal with this stuff now!!!!"

Part of depression just might be a blessing for some. It can save our lives. It's like a huge red light saying STOP! This is true for me. I had to make major changes. Some of our greatest hero's are defined by what they overcame. Are we medicating away the heroes of today?

Misunderstood

One can't understand depression with logic or reason. It doesn't make sense, seems foolish, self-centered, and very narrow. This is why I write this blog- to help you understand.

Neil T. and Joanne Anderson explain the mind-set of a depressed person perfectly. In thier excellent book Overcoming Depression they write, "The cry of the depressed is, Have mercy upon me. I don't need to be scolded, judged, advised or rejected. I need to be understood, accepted, affirmed and loved. If that doesn't come first, then all the biblical answers we have to give them will fall upon deaf ears."

Read this over again, please. I don't know of deeper understanding.

Depression is Everywhere

Doesn't it seem like almost an epidemic? More and more are being diagnosed for depression and then medicated. You know, there is really no diagnosis for depression? Note - this does not include bi-polar depression. There is no formal, official testing that determines depression. I"m not sure how there could be, just setting the scene for what seems to be a diagnosis explosion.

As I see it, the real problem is the victimized feeling after being diagnosed. We are convinced by the drug industry, professionals, and ourselves that we are helpless in fighting depression. I say for many, that is completely misleading. Now I don't believe they are misleading us on purpose. We all want an easy way out for everything. We want a pill to cure any ailment. We've just stopped thinking for ourselves.

Depression is real, and painful, and devastating. But,,, we do have to take some responsibility for the cure no matter what the doc says. And that is great news, because that is where the hope lies.

Burning Desire

Unless we have a "burning desire" to make a change in our lives, it won't happen. The desire drives the change, provides the energy, and opens up our mind to get out of the box. As much as we desire change, understand the importance and even necessity of change in our loved one, they must have a burning desire or we are wasting our time.

What can we do? Hope is one answer. Without hope, few of us have the courage or strength to make significant changes. So we must find avenues of hope for the depressed. To help them understand and truly believe there is a better way of living available to them. Hope for a future free from the pain and suffering of depression. Realistic hope where they know it won't be easy and takes guts and courage, but the rewards are so worth it.

Building the fire for "burning desire" with hope and encouragement is a necessary step for change. Now is the time.

Big Tough Men

My experience is men have more difficultly realizing and then admitting depression than women. Society tells us we should be tough, not cry, carry life's load all by ourselves, never need help and all the other garbage we're fed. Granted, it's our choice we believe this stuff, but most of us do.

So depression builds into something significant, but we don't want to recognize or deal with it. Most of us wrongly label it a weakness, and we want no part of being weak. And thinking about admitting this weakness is darn near absurd. It totally blows our image. The image is more of our self-image than what others image us to be. That's another blogging subject for later.

My idea? Turn depression into a strength. It truly can be. You have to be really tough, a real man, to do that. Our strength comes from our toughest battles, and the big D is no exception. My greatest strengths and maybe even strongest abilities come from the battle field of depression. So men, flip it around to a strength and be man enough to face it. Use depression as a building block, not a stumbling stone. Might just be the strongest block in your foundation.

Medicating Old Habits

Even in the depths of depression, I knew changing some of my thinking habits was necessary. In fact, I had worked diligently on trying to think differently all of my adult life. Over, and over, and over I attempted various methods of positive thinking. It helped tremendously, but wasn't the answer.

Enter medication. Anti-depressants were introduced into my life, and I thought I had found the answer to all that was wrong. It was great for awhile, but eventually wasn't enough. I needed a stronger dosage, then a change to different drugs, increased usage, more change, and various combinations.

One reason I never achieved "wellness" is my thinking habits. No drug could change a lifetime of unhealthy thinking. In my opinion, my stink'in think'in always pulled my back into the pit. After many, many years, I awakened to learn it was my responsibility and my duty to find a way to healthy thinking. That's my journey and my gift in coaching others to accomplish the same.

(For Healthy Thinking tips, see my other blog.)

Fears, Fears Everywhere

When we are stuck or can't accomplish something of importance, there could be a fear behind it. Fear plays a huge role in most lives and a primary role in depression. Fear paralyzes us. Much of the time we don't associate fear with our inability to move forward. In other words, it's seldom obvious.

I just returned from a coaching conference where I had the privilege to hear Rhonda Britten speak. WOW! A true powerhouse of a person in the "overcoming fear" game. A devastating family tragedy at the age of 14 gives her the credentials.

Her book, Fearless Living, is terrific. Click on her name above to visit her website for more in depth info. As she says, fear is a killer; it kills hopes, dreams, careers, relationships, and almost killed her. It might be killing your depressed loved one. Check it out for them and you.