Inside Depression

Kick the Habit

Much of depression thinking is habitual. We tend to process certain types of "negative" information, feedback, and reactions of others out of habit based on our belief system. So it's all deeply ingrained and seems to be set in concrete.

Giving up easily can be part of the long term depression battle. Very little willpower, energy, or desire to make major changes, because life is already exhausting. And that's the rub.

It takes a bare minimum of 30 days of intense focus to change a habit. For most of us, it's more like 60 to 90 days to finally get over the hump. That is working at it too, by the way. When we know it takes a longggg time, it's not so discouraging that we are "failing again" and so quickly.

Knowing this info might be helpful to your loved one. Pass it on with love.

Emotions Rule

I experienced being ruled by my emotions. I was my emotions most of the time. I didn't know there was any other way of being. Didn't realize I could learn to choose how to manage my emotions. I guess I thought everyone lived that way. Others just didn't have the emotional pain I did.

Most of us attach ourselves and "become" some aspect of our ego; our smart mind, our power, money, good looks, skills, etc. We rarely realize it. We need to be lovingly shown our attachment and work through or out of it over time.

Emotional attachment in depression is no different. It's what we don't know that holds us back.

Addicted to Depression

We can get so lost in our world of depression, that we "become" our depression. We just follow it wherever it wants to go believing depression is who we are. We lose touch with our true identity.

We then become so comfortable with the pain it becomes an addiction. As I started moving away from depression, I found I missed it. As ugly as the big D. was, it was a "safe place" to go and hide.

It's scary coming out of any addiction. We don't know who we are without it. And some of the same personal issues of depression weave a common thread with drug and alcohol addiction; such as boundaries, responsibility, victimized.

Your care-taker's role is the most difficult. Congratulations on wanting to learn more and gain understanding.

The Blame Game

Many with depression blame their problems and ugly life on circumstances, events, and others. We are victims of what has happened to us. And we sincerely believe it to be real and true. From the outside, you might reason differently and be frustrated, even disgusted, with our narrow and whiny view of life.

Think about it from a terrorist's stand. We know what they believe is wrong from our perspective. But they still believe in their hearts they are right and many are willing to die for it. Good or bad, our beliefs are our world.

The depressed person must understand first the sides of life he or she is blinded to. That others lives are just as difficult, that taking responsibility is key, that life doesn't "happen" to us as much as we think, etc.

A part of depression is misguided beliefs. They must be replaced with truth.

Ssshhh, Don't Tell

We don't want others to know we are depressed. It's just another weakness and a huge one at that. Just admitting any weakness is difficult. But depression? That's a huge weakness. Even a mental illness of sorts. Nooo way I want anyone to know I'm mentally ill.

I obviously don't struggle admitting depression, but know many that do. I do struggle admitting other weaknesses. Let's don't forget what strength and humbleness is required for any of us to announce to the world, "I'm WEAK."

From the outside, you may believe the perceived weakness to be just another hurdle. But the depressed might see the weakness of depression as a very heavy brick added to his life backpack he can barely carry now. And that is very depressing.

Depression Needs Time

I found my depression at it's worst when I allowed it psychological time. Time to let it run rampant without control. It could take a negative thought and run with it for hours, when not concentrating on something I "must do". Often times it would expand into other related areas and be running in the background of my mind for days.

I felt I had no choice. I would ride the thoughts and depression wherever they wanted to go.

I gradually learned to control psychological time. One way was to pay attention to those times when my mind would go off "thinking". By learning to notice the pattern, I was better able shut it down and then replace it with directed thinking.  I still do this most everyday.

Strength in Responsibility

Accepting 100% responsibility for what goes on in our lives is very empowering. It can be scary and even maddening at first, but ohhh it's worth the pain. Five big reasons to take on the challenge:

1. Freedom - we are no longer the victim of our lives.
2. Control - we have more control of all that affects us.
3. Choices - we recognize choices (opportunities) never before seen.
4. Growth - personal growth begins to flourish.
5. Example - by modeling it, we inspire others to do the same.

Taking responsibility for my life (work in progress I might add) evolved into significant strength in battling depression. It's a huge hurdle with many depressed. It's our responsibility to take 100% responsibility - and that's GOOD.

Flip Side of Positive Believing

Negative Beliefs! My experience with depression is in part a foundation of negative beliefs. Just plain lies. We all believe certain lies about ourselves, but some depressives believe mostly lies. It doesn't matter that it may be nonsense to an outsider and obviously absurd. It's deep truth in depression.

Most often it's a lifetime of input from our world that is twisted and wrong; sometimes even malicious. Input from parents, teachers, peers, relatives, coaches, church, and religion forms our belief system. Those imparting the lies generally did not do it on purpose. They also believed them to be true, because they've been lied to. This is not good or bad. It's just life.

Look for the lies in your life. Experience the freedom.

It's Not About Positive Thinking

Becoming a healthy thinker is rooted in Positive Believing. I found "positive thinking" to be very helpful in short spans, but could never make it last. The reason? I did not really believe deep down inside what I was saying. Believing is in the heart.

So saying, "Just think positively", to one struggling with depression can be irritating to them if they've tried and failed. I literally worked for years attempting to become a true positive thinker.

What I finally learned? To replace my thinking patterns rather than try to change or fix them with a positive spin. Replacing my old thoughts with truth. And I can believe the truth.